How to stop overthinking

Wondering how to stop overthinking? Let’s take a look at different types of overthinking, how to identify them, assess whether it’s overthinking or not, and a few options for what you can do about each type.

Thinking more quickly than other people do

My washing machine spins at 1200 rpm. My car cruises happily at 2300 rpm. If I take a plane anywhere, the jet engine will be several thousand rpm. None of these are overspinning. They’re going at the right kind of speeds for what they are. Same for brains.

Without getting into quantitative specifics we can say from observation that gifted brains tend to think more quickly than non-gifted brains. We are quick to figure things out, to follow a line of reasoning, to come up with answers or solutions.

Some non-gifted people find this off-putting, but we’re not overthinking, we’re thinking faster than they’re used to. They might label it overthinking. That’s not what it is – except if you’re a washing machine telling off a jet engine.

Gifted kids in school will put things together more quickly, and ask challenging questions (which might trigger the teacher’s insecurities, then they tell you not to overthink it: you’re so sharp, mind you don’t cut yourself…).

Gifted adults can analyse a work problem and come up with a solution long before non-gifted colleagues do. We then sit around twiddling our internal thumbs (im)patiently while everyone catches up – with or without us guiding them through the processing.

Oddly enough, a lot of people don’t like feeling slow. It conjures up school memories. The fear of being seen as stupid. And when people haven’t processed their own unhappy stuff, they project it onto the people who ‘show them up’ – which gets in the way of social and professional connections, contributing to loneliness in gifted people.

Thinking in more depth and detail than other people do

Gifted people tend to think. A lot. Typically we’re able to think in more detail and more depth than non-gifted people, who will typically tell you you’re overthinking when you mention the details or the depth.

It’s like going outside and seeing a tree, noticing the leaves on the trees, noticing how the branches are arranged, noticing how the root structures have moved the paving slabs – and the person next to you says, “yep, it’s a tree.” They don’t seem to notice the leaves, the branches, the roots. It’s just a tree. No detail. No depth. Or at least not at the same level as you go to.

It’s immensely frustrating and irritating sometimes. Are people not looking at the same thing I am? Are they determined not to look? Do they just need glasses to help bring it into focus?

Over time, you realise these people simply don’t see how you do. Some simply don’t have the observing and processing capacity to see or think in as much detail or depth. Others seem stuck in wilful ignorance. It can be hard to tell the difference.

Thinking in more breadth and complexity than other people do

Give a gifted person an idea, a concept, an insight, and it ripples its way across the pond of your mind, changing other concepts, revealing new implications, triggering new insights. A brainsplosion, of sorts. Non-gifted minds tend not to do this.

This level of connectedness, when you see the system as a whole in its complexity and interconnections, is not something that everyone sees. It’s not something everyone *can* see.

Some people see a train going from A to B. That’s as far as they think about it.

Some people – the gifted ones with an interest, however passing, in trains – may have a mental grasp of the network, the timetable rhythms, the vehicle allocation, the passenger ebbs and flows, the interpersonal relating types of the staff, commuters, tourists, and school kids. We see the system, the interconnected systems, the system dynamics. It’s more like we feel it than see or think it, sometimes.

It’s a perception and processing difference. Non-gifted people usually don’t have the systems thinking capacity, the complexity-handling, the sensitivity, that gifted people tend to display (or keep hidden, your preference).

It’s not overthinking. It’s a different level of thinking.

We have a felt-sense of the system too: we feel it and its complexity. It’s a different way of thinking and processing. We don’t necessarily navigate by thinking our way through it. And to narrow intelligence or giftedness to thinking is to blot out many aspects of gifted experience.

Non-gifted people (the majority, remember) may also openly disbelieve your perceptions: it’s not that complicated, they say. You’re over-analysing it. We don’t need to know that, they declare.

This scoffing and scorning social judgement and rejection, however mild, can unfortunately be a contributing factor to loneliness and depression, amongst other high intelligence disorders.

Thinking more than is appropriate to the task at hand

There’s two aspects to this. What is objectively enough for the situation? What is subjectively enough for you?

There’s also what other people think. Let’s knock that on the head first. The real question here is: what’s their authority on this? Are they someone with more knowledge/skills/insight into the task at hand? Someone you would go to for advice? Or are they, for instance, a non-gifted person getting their insecurity triggered by the extent and quality of your thinking – and judging you as overthinking so that their discomfort becomes your problem to make go away?

If you wouldn’t ask someone for their advice, don’t listen to their opinion.

So back to your task at hand: what would constitute ‘enough’ thinking about it, objectively? What metrics are you applying here? What kind of quality of solution do you need? For instance, are you engineering a safety-critical system? Then please, ‘overthink’ it as far as bloomin’ possible. But if it’s something with more slack and give in the parameters and outcome? A first-order approximation might do the job.

Watch out for underthinking – you could miss out some accessibility necessities. Those new stand-up passenger aircraft? How would you accommodate people who can’t stand for 2 hours? People with legs much shorter/longer than designed for? The Dutch design their bike infrastructure so that children, disabled people, and the elderly can use it with comfort, safety and ease. That family holiday? How’s it going to meet your needs, your partner’s needs, and your kids-of-various-ages needs? And what about the dog?

Then there’s the subjective side. The gifted drive to optimise leads us to extensive analysis, so we can find the optimum solution. It’s up to you to decide how optimum you want to make it for you. Does it have to be fully optimal? Or pragmatically speaking, does it simply need to do the job well enough? No need for soldering when a simple Pritt Stick will do.

Now let’s confess: the fruit of over-analysis is sometimes just joyful. When you optimise your car cleaning routine. Or your kitchen organisation. Or where to stand on the Tube so you’re in the best place for your next move through your journey. There’s a delight and pleasure to be had in that kind of streamlined precision. Why deny yourself such simple, satisfying moments?

Thinking too much about the small things

Which outfit should I choose? Which shoes should I buy? What colour would be best for the hallway?

Like Parkinson’s law – the task expands to fill the time available – smaller decisions expand to take up much more brainspace than feels comfortable.

Deciding how you want to make decisions, while sounding a bit meta, helps organise and manage your internal thinking so it doesn’t run away with itself.

Thinking more than doing

When you find yourself thinking around and about a task – or variety of tasks and projects – without springing into action, you might be getting understandably frustrated with yourself. Not to mention getting judgemental on yourself.

The gifted mind can be a fascinating place to dwell, but sometimes we do need to get out and do something. And with twice-exceptionality in the mix? ADHD can be a wild ride when it comes to Getting Stuff Done. Autism wants to stay doing one thing, then takes a while to unplug and replug into the next thing. The tendril theory illustrates this beautifully. So when you have one or more of these going on, getting from idea → plan → decision → implementing may be a less direct path than that set of arrows implies.

If you find yourself stuck in thinking, it might be that you’re somewhat dissociated from your body. This is immensely relevant because it’s your body that has the key to your get-up-and-go, not your mind. The mind can force it, but the body can also resist – and overpower. At the end of the day, your body is the one with the arms, legs, hands and feet, and you’re stuffed if it falls out with your mind. Reconnect with the body – even just a smidge – and a little whiff of mojo might be all you need to get you going.

Decision-fatigue, where you have little to no oomph for making decisions, can be a sign of burnout, depression, functional freeze, or overwhelm/sensory overload, amongst other issues. Figuring out which mechanism(s) is responsible opens up the door to the right kind(s) of self-management.

Are you simply tired already? If you’re doing doing doing all day, your internal mojo-meter is going to be on Nope for anything else. As a basic rule of thumb for most humans, the 8-8-8 day is a useful place to start and modify from. Eight hours each of sleep, purposeful activity, and the 3 Rs: rest/recharge/recreation. If purposeful activity expands and eclipses sleep and the 3 Rs, you’re going to run aground. Honestly, burnout is not fun. Steer a new course.

Ruling out the obvious issues that keep us stuck in thinking and away from doing, the less-obvious issues are the underground ones. The feelings we’re not letting rise to the surface. The internalised judgements or instructions (introjections in Gestalt-speak) from our significant adults when we were kids. The implicit judgements of someone’s behaviour towards us.

Our ability to decide and execute can be severely hampered by someone else’s prior bad behaviour, neglect, or abuse of us. The consequences they supplied when we did act on our own initiative. This is a great start point for therapeutic conversations: to root out the stuck feelings and beliefs, release the energy/mojo trapped away by these beliefs, and help the experience become an integrated part of our history instead of an interfering part of our present.

Thinking too much of the time

When your brain hooks itself into a problem, it may not give you any respite.

You might also find yourself immersed in deep thinking for most of your day.

Taking a step back, let’s look at the numbers. Remember the 8-8-8 day? That’s eight hours each of sleep, purposeful activity, and the 3 Rs of rest/recharge/recreation each 24 hour day.

How many hours a day can you usefully engage your brain in deep thought? How much time does your brain need to rest after that to prepare for your next activities?

And how much emotionally-charged thinking (relationship issues, care of children/elders/disabled loved ones, reflection and processing of difficult experiences or circumstances…) can you healthily sustain in a day? A week? A month? A year?

There are times when we need to say ‘No, brain, not now.’ When we benefit from redirecting ourselves into something else, something that rests our conscious processing mind, something that allows the background processors (metaphorically speaking, since this is how it always feels to me) to run without conscious interference or guiding.

Humans can be overclocked, but it’s generally not advisable for sustained periods of time. Mental, emotional and physical health issues can all arise, especially if you’re using your mind for brain-intensive work and you have stressful situations outside of your work: where can I put my elderly parents for the best care given their current health situation? What supports does my neurodivergent child need at their school, and how do I best advocate for that? How do I support my gifted child through their schooling while I’m still processing my own school traumas?!

As a general rule of thumb, if you’re doing more than 5 to 6 hours of strenuous or emotionally-weighty mental processing in a day that’s a lot for a brain to be doing, and I’m going to wave the depression and burnout flag again.

Thinking over the same thing again and again

Repetitive thinking that drives us round in circles is usually what we call rumination. Rumination is marked by overthinking, but is driven and maintained by underfeeling. It’s related to intellectualising our feelings when we analyse to the nth degree, but stay away from processing and integrating.

The spinning top of rumination is pumped into motion by unresolved emotions, most often. When there’s something bothering us underneath, it pops up in whatever guise it fancies. If we’re cognitively inclined, it’ll arrive as more thoughts.

When it’s not been safe to feel or express our feelings, we hide them. Sometimes, we can help them to come out later on in life. Sometimes, we need a little (or a lot) of help from someone who can guide us through the process.

How we address rumination is to tune in to what lies beneath. What feeling(s) is trying to make itself known?

Sometimes, it’s the usual oogly-booglies – something painful, sad, or upsetting.

Sometimes – and this is worth bearing in mind – the repressed or suppressed feelings are of joy, happiness, or excitement. If we were punished, mocked, or belittled as kids for *cough* being kids – joyous, happy, or excited – we learn to hold those feelings in. Until it’s safe enough later on in life that these feelings butt their heads against our internal barriers, causing feelings of anxiety and consternation (don’t get us into trouble!!), but actually positive aspects of ourselves ready and willing to join the party.

Thinking too far down the line

Gifted adults often see consequences and repercussions, or deeper, yet more remote implications, simply because that’s how our minds do it. We don’t try to think five steps ahead – we just do.

Non-gifted people don’t get it, don’t get why it’s necessary or useful, and don’t get why we do it.

Until six months later when the thing we said would probably happen does, in fact, happen.

At which point non-gifted people feel some kind of way towards the gifted person who foresaw the outcome in advance.

The gifted mind often leaps along the chain of decision points to the most catastrophic option. When you’re thinking about yourself and your future, it’s entirely possible to focus on and catastrophise about the least desired outcome. Even when that’s eight decision points down the line.

ADHD insensitivity (hello, twice-exceptionality) to time (everything is either NOW or NOT NOW) condenses this chain into IMMEDIATE DANGER. Note the intensity. Spreading out the chain in your mind’s eye – or on paper (remember the probability trees you drew at school? Use that structure.) – can help you focus on the stage you’re in right now, while keeping an eye on what’s coming down the line.

Over-indexing

Over-indexing – attributing more weight than is appropriate to one particular aspect of a set of considerations – can lead us into difficulty, and prompt us into overthinking one aspect at the expense of underthinking others.

Assessing the relative importances of the different aspects, and holding yourself gently/firmly to that, can help.

Just as for rumination (above), over-indexing can be an indicator of underlying unresolved feelings or experiences. What is it about this that reminds you of something in the past/your childhood? What feeling(s) is lurking underneath that you haven’t admitted or acknowledged yet? Or my favourite in this situation: ask yourself this question then listen for the answer(s) – what’s bothering me about this?

There may also be systemic issues at play. Most systems over-index on men. Chairs are designed for the average man – and too big for the average woman. For decades, cars have been safety-tested with male body dummies, meaning women typically sustain more – and more serious – injuries in collisions. Pharmaceuticals are tested mostly on men, so the effects of medicines on women’s bodies are under-researched.

In the more intimate context of partner relationships, Western cultures over-index on men’s comfort, career, and care – leading to women in cis-het relationships shouldering a much greater physical (w.r.t. household & childcare), social, emotional, time, and mental load. Put in straight and direct terms,  society currently endorses men’s neglect of women’s needs, and abuse of women’s time and resources. If you’re a woman and find yourself permanently overthinking your male partner’s behaviour, you might need some new lenses through which to view the situation.

Thinking up too many ideas to ever deliver them all

Gifted minds tend to experience (Suffer? Benefit from? You choose ;-) ) an abundance of ideas. Creative ideas. Solutions for problems. Inventions. Philosophical and existential questions. Moral conundrums. Artistic ideas. Analytical methods.

You’re not just drinking from a firehose. You’ve got your own free-flowing river rapids to dip into anytime, and come out with bucketful after bucketful of inspired ideas.

But you have one body. You have the basic human limitations we all have (plus extra, if you’re disabled, have caring responsibilities, or any other obligations on your time, energy, and finances).

So how do you choose which ideas, inventions and insights to carry forward? How do you make that judgement call? How do you manage such an over-abundance? How do you make wise decisions about it?

How about figuring out your decision-making process, what’s important to you from the personal to global scale, and developing a steady confidence in how you make these decisions? This is a journey in itself, one I can support you on, and one well worth making if these are the kinds of questions keeping you awake at night.

What’s next?

1. Do nothing

Dealing with overthinking is entirely optional. If you’re happy with how you’re thinking, you may have zero motivation for change. But the fact you’re here, reading this, implies at least a smidgen of discontent with what your brain’s up to, and an inclination towards handling your mind better. So, let’s proceed.

2. Do It Yourself

Oh hello, autodidact, you awesome human. Go read the things. Watch the videos. Puzzle it out. Sign up for my newsletters for articles like this and other writings. Remember, if/when you get stuck, feel free to pull in some support…

3. Do It With Someone

The sociable option. What I will say is that some therapists and support professionals don’t get giftedness. Some might even label your brilliant, agile, creative, intense, complex thinking as overthinking. A problem. They would be wrong. So whoever you choose as your Someone, make sure that they understand giftedness so they have a decent shot at being able to help you understand yours.

If you like my style (and you are reading this very last line on this topic – so probably yes?) and want to work this out with my brain alongside yours, drop me a message.